mental health, Uncategorized

What do you listen to?

I don’t mean music when I ask ‘what do you listen to?’ I’m wondering whether you should listen to your mind or your body? From personal experience the mind and body are definitely not working in harmony and it’s exhausting and frustrating! It’s often very difficult to know which one to listen to when both isn’t an option. Let me explain…..

I was recently diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. Though I’ve had many symptoms since I was really young, it’s never played a huge part in my life, until now. Lots of people think OCD is something you are, not something you have. People say ‘I’m so OCD’ but if they truly had it, they would understand why that makes no sense. Some may like certain things to match or keep their house tidy and think this is OCD. There are many posts and articles on the Internet with pictures of ‘Things that will drive your inner OCD nuts’ and it will feature pictures with something out of place. I seriously wish this is what OCD really was. However, it is in fact like having 2 people in your head and one is bullying the other. It’s exhausting, it’s time consuming and the worst thing is that we know it’s not right to think this way. A big part of OCD is having intrusive thoughts and ruminations (obsessions). These can be so vivid and real to us that we act on them (compulsions) to prevent them from happening. They can be about absolutely anything and the thoughts never go away. Performing the compulsions (or rituals) can take a long time and make it difficult to complete other errands we may have. It’s very difficult to concentrate on other things when you have OCD. Holding a conversation or trying to focus on another task can be really difficult and extremely frustrating. 

Now, throw physical limitations into the mix and you’ve got yourself a fudged up situation. Your body needs you to rest and pace and not over exert. How do you manage when your mind won’t allow it? You have so many thoughts going through your mind, you wish occupying yourself with something like watching a film would stop the need to perform your rituals because they’re too physically painful to do, but your mind is screaming that they NEED to be done? So do you listen to your mind or do you listen to your body? To those who don’t have OCD, this may seem like a nonsensical question, but for me, it’s what I have to go through all the time. I don’t have the answer to this, I wish I did. For now, my only escape is to sleep. Sleep doesn’t come easy to me, even though I’m forever exhausted, my mind doesn’t shut off and I have to have been prescribed tablets to get a decent sleep. I also know that trying to hide from my problems will only make things worse in the long run but right now, I fear this is my only option. 


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